God and Life Decisions

Something has happened in my life recently. Something monumental and undeniably life changing. I'm not going to go into what it was. Not yet at least. All I can say is that ever since this life changing event, I've started to look at changing the way I live my life. I've been looking inside myself more in the past few days and for the first time in over 10 years I've been able to look into my clouded mind and soul clearly and without question. I've been a follower of Christ since high school. By no means am I a perfect person. A Christian can not be a Christian without sin. I have sinned...in more ways than one. I'm not going to deny that nor have I ever denied it. My heart has been uneasy with turmoil for years but it is strong because of my love for Christ. In more ways than one, I'm about to embark on the most adventurous journey in my life. These last few weeks I'll be spending out here will be spent bettering my relationship with Christ and myself. I have a lot of thinking to do and a lot of soul searching to mend a torn heart and a weary soul. I pray that God will guide me down the right paths and onto the right decisions.

The past two weeks have been pretty crazy. I spent all 14 days of my tour at the Cascade Complex fire in Cascade, ID. When I first got there, the Cascade Complex consisted of 3 fires: the Yellow, Monumental, and North Fork fires. Over the course of said 14 days, the 3 fire combined into one and are close to merging with two others closer to McCall. Our camp and Incident Command Post got burned over. Several vehicle accidents have occurred including 3 roll-overs. Countless of millions of dollars have been dumped into this incident. Despite difficulties of getting my hands on a phone, I found out that I had been physically qualified for my deployment down to Antarctica. Unless there's something else I need to do, I think I've completed everything I need to in order to leave for the ice.

Again, without going into reasons why just yet, my mind and heart are war-torn and battered. I don't know what it is I need to allow me to finally relax rid me of several years of pain. I've always felt the need to escape here. To see what else is out there for me. Antarctica is a path God has laid at my feet and intend on following it where ever it takes me. Where ever I go, I have a lot of soul searching to do...