Christmas

It's Christmas here in Antarctica and my emotions are mix of deep depression and inner calm. Today, I learned of another death in my family, my Uncle Mac, that occurred on 17 Dec, my mother's birthday, about 10 minutes after I called her to wish her so. It really didn't hit me as how far away from home I was till I read in my email from my mother the she, a woman that rarely travels to far from the Mid-Atlantic flew to Alabama for his funeral and back on the 19th and I didn't find out till shortly after midnight on Christmas. If anything, I'm too blame for not staying in touch as much as I should. My thoughts of my father and my Uncle James have been floating in my head since shortly before Thanksgiving. I floated in and out of moments of social hyperactivity to moments of solidarity and extreme loneliness. On the other hand, my faith has been pulling me through. In this sometimes seemingly dark world, the Christmas story renews my faith every year. Every year, no matter how bad and how gloomy it was, the 25th always lifts me up. Listening to gospel, the spoken and written word that our lord and savior was born to die for our sins on this day, always seems to lift my spirits high...at least for a little while. For now I just have to deal with the ebb and flow of my emotions and live life one day at a time. I've learned not to fight my bouts of depression but just ride through them to the better times ahead. I look forward to the things that make me happy. I'm looking forward to spend some time in the bouldering cave tomorrow when I get off from work. I don't have many friends I call true friends down here...I mean friends I can trust with my inner-most daemons and emotions; my personal thoughts and ramblings...so I wait to see them again when I get home. I'm looking forward to climbing! To get on the side of a mountain and experience God's glory and everything he made in ways that you wouldn't be able to otherwise. For now, it's Christmas. It's a time to remember family both far away and gone from this world. To remember the good things about life. It's a time to thank God for allowing me to spend time in this place that I hold so dear in my heart to the point that I sacrifice so much back home. It's a time to relax and reflect. Happy Birthday Jesus...